MONDAY OCTOBER 20, 2008

You’ve Got to be Believed to be Heard

Mark and I went out of town to a wedding last weekend, and drove home very late Sunday night. To help him stay awake, I read the new release of Bert Decker’s book You’ve Got to be Believed to be Heard aloud in the car. Mark was so wrapped up in the stories that after our caffeine pit stop, we hopped on the freeway heading the wrong direction, and drove for 20 minutes before realizing it!

This updated version of Bert’s book is fantastic. He has compiled numerous little-known and very well-told stories about some of our best and worst communicators. Politicians, war heroes, athletes, CEOs, and even a few obscure communicators that you grow to love. Each story touches on how individuals gain believability through their enthusiasm, storytelling, and emotional connection.

One particular point about eye communication rang true for me. I do this weird slow blink thing–my kids have bugged me about it for years. I haven’t worked hard at stopping but I sure will now. In Bert’s chapter called The Eye Factor, he says that a slow blink makes you appear aloof, cold, and detached. Ouch.

My droopy blinks are such a problem for my son that he sent me this screen shot of Lucille Bluth (affectionately called Gangy) from Arrested Development, so I could keep it on my desk as a reminder of what NOT to do. (I’ll use another post to explain the parallels my family has drawn between me and Gangy…but I’ll need a cocktail first.) Yep–she’s aloof, cold, and detached.

When Amazon posted this video for my book, my dear friend Jerry Weissman called with an urgent voicemail pleading with me to pull it down immediately ‘cause it would ruin book sales (everyone needs a friend like Jerry–he’s saved me from myself more often than a friend should have to.)

I had taped the video in one single take after several sleepless nights right before a vacation. Alas, my famous slow blink in all its aloof glory. We sent a new video to Amazon (see below) and I’m working harder than ever on my blinking skills.

“Eye communication is your number one skill. It ranks first because it has the greatest impact on both one-on-one communications and large group communications. It literally connects mind to mind. Since your eyes are the only part of your central nervous system that is in direct contact with another human being. When your eyes meet the eyes of another person, you make a First-Brain-to-First-Brain connection. When you fail to make that connection, it matters very little what you say.”

As communicators, it’s integral that we’re trusted because that’s what helps us be heard. And you’ve got to be heard in order to persuade.

Topic: Delivery, Message
Tags: communication, emotion

COMMENTS (5)

Rikk Flohr

^{October 20th, 2008

12:26 pm}

Nancy,
Would you consider Bert Decker’s book to be a good training for eye-contact techniques? Are there other books more on point and more in-depth?

Christian

^{October 21st, 2008

2:13 am}

Nancy,

this seems to be one of the cases where we learn to listen much more to our kids than we usually do

When watching the first video, from my perspective you really make an impression of being bored. In the second video you appear to be much more behind the story you are telling. Still, there is one thing that I personally find a bit distracting. Every now and then, you are looking to lower right (or lower left from your perspective) corner as if you were reading from a teleprompter.

Christian

PS: The video didn’t sop me from buying the book – and I love it

Ron Barnett

^{October 21st, 2008

2:45 am}

On viewing the 1st video I experienced “cognitive dissonance” – I felt positive toward you and your design wisdom but “the you” in the video was alien! For me there was a cold shrewdness – maybe the eyes contributed to it in a subtle manner. It was a good move to do movie two and its one great book of design wisdom! Thank you.

Nancy Duarte

^{October 22nd, 2008

7:47 am}

Yeah, pretty cold and aloof. I’m not sure why I kept looking off-camera. I think it’s ‘cuz it was one of the first times I’ve been alone with an audience of one lens and it felt awkward. I learned a ton!

Rikk, Bert’s book has 2 pages on eye contact. It’s not the thrust of the book, it was what I needed though. I doubt if there is a comprehensive book on eye contact. What I liked about Bert’s insight is that the eyes are part of the central nervous system. It’s the only way our central nervous systems can touch another person. That had so much insight to me as to the power that the eyes have to connect and create a first impression. I’m working hard at my slow blink and also to not move my eyes around like Thomas the Tank Engine.

Enjoy your day guys!
Nancy

Sean D'Souza

^{October 29th, 2008

8:48 pm}

I too called my wife to see if I was seeing things. It looked like you were bored. That you were almost forced to speak on video. And I didn’t see any smiles.

What you need to know is that the video didn’t influence my purchase of the book. I still went ahead and bought it, despite the video. The testimonials, reviews and other information on the page was enough to sidestep the video. But I have to say that video could do with some improvement.

And there’s another thing. The sound was ‘echoey’ as if spoken into a direct microphone on the computer, instead of routed through a microphone. I’d recommend a lavalier mic, or to record the audio separately on an audio layer and merge the audio and video later.

Sean
http://www.psychotactics.com

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